CHAPTER 2
ROUNDABOUTS
The years to follow consisted of trialling various brands of 'the pill'. Some gave me terrible headaches day after day, others gave me migraines at certain times in the cycle. Most caused me a certain amount of fluid retention in my breasts, legs, and stomach along with the headaches, other times without the headaches or migraines. Emotionally, I was a wreck more times than not. If I wasn't eating someone's head off, I was one big weeping, depressive excuse for a human being. People didn't know from one day to the next whether the sea was going to be calm sailing or stormy. Looking back now I have so much sympathy for those family and friends around me. It was a difficult time for everyone including my partner and me. Sexually I had really nil to minimal interest. Most times it became a chore for me rather than a pleasure. Oh my how my world had turned upside down from the one I had had a couple of years previously. Life can be cruel.
'The pill' I was prescribed was pretty much still the new kid in town heralding freedom for many women to not only have better medical control of their cycles and hormone replacement but also a more reliable method of birth control. It actually wasn't until 1969 that the law permitted doctors to discuss contraception or prescribe the pill to their patients for the indication of contraception. In other words it hadn't been around long and certainly didn't have a trial history of use when I was prescribed it. Early iterations of 'the pill' had drastically different dosages to that of today's pills which contain dramatically lower hormone dosages. While current progestin doses are not directly comparable, the doses for both the original pill ingredients have fallen many-fold from those of the original recipe. As a patient at that time, little information about the safety of the product was given as there was none to give, and no one thought that it might be necessary to provide such information. That was the standard of the day. Women who stepped forward to describe side effects of nausea, dizziness, headaches, and blood clots were discounted as "unreliable historians".
Fortunately for me, my doctor listened to my reporting of the many side effects although I had to give each and every different brand 'a fair go' meaning most times months of taking to see if the side effects subsided or settled down. It was a testing time putting it mildly as I was also trying to sort out a personal relationship and settle into a nursing career all with hormone levels raging and out of control, and side effects going ballistic mostly.
This cycle of 'roundabouts' of this pill and that pill continued on for many years with my never experiencing fully what I considered a normal, healthy, comfortable sexually fulfilled life. Sometimes 'things' would settle down for awhile and I would become hopeful that finally I had a medication that agreed with me. Life would be sweet. I could organise my weeks knowing that there was a pretty good chance I would emerge the victor by the end of that pills cycle. And then the wheels would fall off for no reason - usually the headaches would start again or break through bleeding would happen - and I was back to the doctor and yet another new pill to trial.
It was hard to not start feeling sorry for myself and my situation especially when influenced by surging hormones. Certainly not the life I had envisioned for myself when a young girl. Many of my friends were getting married and starting families of their own. I was in a personal relationship and he was very supportive but the desire to have a family of my own and knowing it was out of my reach was sometimes overwhelming and so hard to deal with. Adoption of a child was out of the question as I had to have a 10 year clearance from my cancer before adoption could be considered. I won't go further with this part of my life as it is private and that's where I want it to remain. But it was indeed a very difficult time physically and emotionally.
And then something happened.....
The years to follow consisted of trialling various brands of 'the pill'. Some gave me terrible headaches day after day, others gave me migraines at certain times in the cycle. Most caused me a certain amount of fluid retention in my breasts, legs, and stomach along with the headaches, other times without the headaches or migraines. Emotionally, I was a wreck more times than not. If I wasn't eating someone's head off, I was one big weeping, depressive excuse for a human being. People didn't know from one day to the next whether the sea was going to be calm sailing or stormy. Looking back now I have so much sympathy for those family and friends around me. It was a difficult time for everyone including my partner and me. Sexually I had really nil to minimal interest. Most times it became a chore for me rather than a pleasure. Oh my how my world had turned upside down from the one I had had a couple of years previously. Life can be cruel.
'The pill' I was prescribed was pretty much still the new kid in town heralding freedom for many women to not only have better medical control of their cycles and hormone replacement but also a more reliable method of birth control. It actually wasn't until 1969 that the law permitted doctors to discuss contraception or prescribe the pill to their patients for the indication of contraception. In other words it hadn't been around long and certainly didn't have a trial history of use when I was prescribed it. Early iterations of 'the pill' had drastically different dosages to that of today's pills which contain dramatically lower hormone dosages. While current progestin doses are not directly comparable, the doses for both the original pill ingredients have fallen many-fold from those of the original recipe. As a patient at that time, little information about the safety of the product was given as there was none to give, and no one thought that it might be necessary to provide such information. That was the standard of the day. Women who stepped forward to describe side effects of nausea, dizziness, headaches, and blood clots were discounted as "unreliable historians".
Fortunately for me, my doctor listened to my reporting of the many side effects although I had to give each and every different brand 'a fair go' meaning most times months of taking to see if the side effects subsided or settled down. It was a testing time putting it mildly as I was also trying to sort out a personal relationship and settle into a nursing career all with hormone levels raging and out of control, and side effects going ballistic mostly.
This cycle of 'roundabouts' of this pill and that pill continued on for many years with my never experiencing fully what I considered a normal, healthy, comfortable sexually fulfilled life. Sometimes 'things' would settle down for awhile and I would become hopeful that finally I had a medication that agreed with me. Life would be sweet. I could organise my weeks knowing that there was a pretty good chance I would emerge the victor by the end of that pills cycle. And then the wheels would fall off for no reason - usually the headaches would start again or break through bleeding would happen - and I was back to the doctor and yet another new pill to trial.
It was hard to not start feeling sorry for myself and my situation especially when influenced by surging hormones. Certainly not the life I had envisioned for myself when a young girl. Many of my friends were getting married and starting families of their own. I was in a personal relationship and he was very supportive but the desire to have a family of my own and knowing it was out of my reach was sometimes overwhelming and so hard to deal with. Adoption of a child was out of the question as I had to have a 10 year clearance from my cancer before adoption could be considered. I won't go further with this part of my life as it is private and that's where I want it to remain. But it was indeed a very difficult time physically and emotionally.
And then something happened.....
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